My Sensible Heart..

i get so distracted
by some people's reactions
that i dont see my own faults
for what they are

at times so self destructive
with no intent or motive
but behind this emotion
my sensible heart

see i'm no king
i wear no crown
but desperate times they seem over now
but still i'm weakened somehow
and it tears me apart
it tears me apart

but i hope to learn as time goes by
that i should trust what's deep inside
burning bright oh burning bright
my sensible heart

my sensible heart

I was a little girl..

I was a little girl
Alone in my little world
Who dreamed of a little home for me
I played pretend between the trees
And fed my houseguests bark and leaves
And laughed in my pretty bed of green

I had a dream
That I could fly
From the highest swing
I had a dream

Long walks in the dark
Through woods grown behind the park
I asked God who I'm supposed to be

Now I'm old and feeling gray
I don't know what's left to say
About this life

Who in the world do i think that i am..

Pretending to be myself again..

acting as if I was who I am..

wearing the clothes that I always wear..

and doing the usual thing to my hair..

pretending to be myself again..

imitating the person I've always been..

legally changing my name to my name..

and making believe I'm exactly the same..

A bunny in a bunny suit..

tiger in a tiger mask..

who in the world do you think that I am..

I suppose it depends on who you ask..

Of all the disguises I've ever worn..

I flatter myself in the most sincere form..

still I'm kept at a distance by friends..

for just pretending to be myself again..

A bunny in a bunny suit..

vampire with plastic teeth..

who in the world do I think that I am..

I guess it depends on who I believe..

I've got a plan, I've got an atlas in my hands..

Take me to the docks, there's a ship without a name
It is sailing to the middle of the sea
The water there is deeper than anything you've ever seen
...Jump right in and swim until you freeze

I will remember your face
'Cause I am still in love with that place
But when the stars are the only things we share
Will you be there?

Money came like rain to your hands while you were waiting
For that cold long promise to appear
People in the churches started singing above their hands
They say "My God is a good God and he cares"

I will remember your face
'Cause I am still in love with that place
When the stars are the only things we share
Will you be there?

I've got a plan
I've got an atlas in my hands
I'm gonna turn when I listen to the lessons that I've learned

Better pack your bags and run,
Or stay until the job is done,
Or maybe you could sit and hope,
That providence will fray the rope.

And sink like a stone
Or go it alone

And isn't it enough
For you?
Isn't it enough?

You've made all the big mistakes
But duty and love isn't what it takes
You are the tender of what you know
Better murder the dream and go..

You know I'd do most anything you want,
I'd try to give you everything you need,
I can see that it gets to you..
I don't believe in many things
But in you I do...

You know that feeling?

When you are waiting, waiting to get home,

close the door and sink into bed.

And just let everything out that you have kept in all day, week, month.

That feeling of both relief and desperation,

Nothing is really wrong,

But then nothing is really right either.

And you're tired.

Tired of everything, tired of nothing.

And you just want someone there to tell you its all going to be okay in the end.

But no one really is there.

And you have to try and be strong for yourself,

because you are the only one who can fix you.

But you're tired of being the only one who can fix you,

and you're tired of feeling that you have to try and help fix others.

Tired of trying to be strong.

And for once, you just want it to be easy.

To be simple. To be helped. To be saved.

But you know you won't be.

But you're still waiting.

And you are always hoping.

And you are still trying to stay strong,

with tears in your eyes.

A musician paints their art on silence.

Songs of the day 18/08/2011

Dirty Little Secrets - Sarah Machlachlan

(Thievery Corperation Remix)

The A Team - Ed Sheeran

(Koan Sound Remix)

Jesus is a Rochdale girl - Elbow

Sea legs - The Shins

Rain City - Turin Breaks

Stupid - Sarah Machlachlan

(Hyper Remix)

Full Moon - The Black Ghosts

Hear You Me - Jimmy Eat World

Dirty little secrets..

If I had the chance, love
I would not hesitate
To tell you all the things I never said before
Don't tell me it's too late

Cause I've relied on my illusions
To keep me warm at night
But I denied in my capacity to love
I am willing, to give up this fight

I've been up all night drinking
To drown my sorrow down
Nothing seems to help me since you went away
I'm so tired of this town..

Where every tongue is wagging
When every back is turned
Their telling secrets that should never be revealed
There's nothing to be gained from this
But disaster..

Here's a good one..
Did you hear about my friend?
He's embarrassed to be seen now
because we all know his sins

If I had the chance love
You know, I would not hesitate
To tell you all the things I never said before
Don't tell me it's too late

Cause I've relied on my illusions
To keep me warm at night
But I denied in my capacity to love
I am willing, to give up this fight

Do the walls come down When you think of me?

Do your eyes grow dim?

Do the walls come down When you think of me?

Do you let me in?

Nothing like a rainy night

To set your heart rememberin'

Nothing like a vivid dream

To take you back again

When you think of me Do your eyes grow dim?

Do the walls come down When you think of me?

Do you let me in?

Something in my pocket

That was written years ago

In faded ink says,

'You are my fire'

Do you think so...

Is it easier for you to say

You never loved me anyway

Or do you hide me in your attic trunk

...Like a stowaway?

Is this home?

I woke up this morning
Trying to understand
What it means to give your life
To just one man.

Afraid of feeling nothing
No bees or butterflies
My head is full of voices
And my house is full of lies.

This is home.
And this is home.
This is home

I made a promise
Said it everyday
Now I'm reading romance novels
And I'm dreaming of yesterday.

I'd like to see the Riviera
And slowdance underneath the stars
I'd like to watch the sun come up
In a stranger's arms

I'm going crazy
A little at a time
And everything I wanted
Is now driving me away.

I woke this morning
To the sound of beating hearts
Mine is full of questions
And it's tearing yours apart...

And this is home.
This is home.

Here, i saw... something i couldn't overlook.

See what I've done.

That bridge is on fire,

Back to where I've been,

I'm froze by desire.

No need to leave.

Where would I be?

If this were to go under...

Well that's a risk I take

I'm froze by desire

Cos of the choice i make.

And i'll cross oceans, like never before..

I find shelter.
In this way.
Undercover.
Hide away.
Can you hear?
When I say.
I have never.
Felt this way.

Could I be?
Was I there?
It felt so crystal.
In the air.
I still want to drown.
Whenever you leave.
Please teach me gently.
How to breathe.

I fear I'm dying of complications.
Complications due to things that I've left undone,
That all my debts will be left unpaid.
Feel like a crippled without a cane,
I'm like a jack of all trades,
Who's a master of none.

Then there's my father
He's always looking on the bright side
Saying things like "life just ain't that hard"
He is the grand optimist
I am the world's poor pessimist
You give him burdens sometimes
And he will escape unscarred

I guess I take after my mother

I used to be quite resilient
Gain no strength from counting the beads on a rosary
Now the wound has begun to turn
Another lesson that has gone unlearned
But this is not a cry for pitty or for sympathy.

An addiction's and addiction...

What if I can't be all that you need me to be
We've got a good thing going, we have some promises to keep
But my addiction it can be such a detriment
Please believe in this my dear, I am more than penitent

What if everything’s just the way that it will be
Could it be that I am meant to cause you all this grief
My war ships are lying off the coast of your delicate heart
And my aim is steady and true as it's been right from the start

There's a degree of difficulty in dealing with me
From my haunted past comes a daunting task of living through memories.
If we could just hang a mirror on the bedroom wall, stare into the past and forget it all

So when we leave it'll be a quick midnight escape
We'll disconnect ourselves from all of yesterday
I'll dig for water and fashion our very own wishing well
Then we'll throw our coins down hoping to rid of us of this little hell

There's a degree of difficulty in dealing with me
From my haunted past comes a daunting task of living through memories.
If we could just hang a mirror on the bedroom wall, stare into the past and forget it all

Heavy Water..

Oh this feeling doesn't go away

I feel it moving through me.

I want the love I had inside,

Want to feel it moving through me.

In my dreams

I'm moving through heavy water

this love is enormous

it's lifting me up.

I'd rather be sleeping.

I'd rather fall in to tidal waves,

and go where the deepest currents flow.

I opened a mirror up,

and saw a true love.

I let it separate in two

the water rising up over my head.

In dreams I'm moving through heavy water,

the love is enormous,

its lifting me up

I'd rather be sleeping.

I'd rather fall in to tidal waves.

And go where the deepest currents go.

You're not the girl you think you are.
They're not his shoes under your bed,
he'll take you places in his car,
that you won't forget.

And all the people that you know
will turn their heads as you go by,
but you'll be hard to recognize,
with the top down and the wind blowing, blowing.

He won't deceive you or tell you the truth.
He'll be no trouble,
he won't write you letters,
full of excuses.
Come on, believe you have one in a million.

You're not the girl you think you are.
Someone's standing in your place.
The bathroom mirror makes you look tall,
but it's all in your head, in your head.

You're not the girl you think you are.

How can i stand here with you..

And not be moved by you?

You are the strength,
That keeps me walking.
You are the hope,
That keeps me trusting.
You are the light,
To my soul.
You are my purpose,
You're everything.

So how can I stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me,
How could it be,
Any better than this?

You calm the storms,
And you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands,
You won't let me fall.
You steal my heart,
And you take my breath away.

So why can I stand here with you,
And still not be moved by you?

I’ve seen love go by my door,
It’s never been this close before,
Never been so easy or so slow,
Been shooting in the dark too long,
When somethin’s not right it’s wrong,
You're gonna make me lonesome when you go

Dragon clouds so high above,
I’ve only known careless love,
It’s always hit me from below,
This time around it’s more correct,
Right on target, so direct,
You're gonna make me lonesome when you go

Purple clover, Queen Anne’s Lace,
Crimson hair across your face,
You could make me cry if you don’t know,
Can’t remember what I was thinkin’ of,
You might be spoilin’ me too much, love,
You're gonna make me lonesome when you go.

Flowers on the hillside, bloomin’ crazy,
Crickets talkin’ back and forth in rhyme,
Blue river runnin’ slow and lazy,
I could stay with you forever and never realize the time.

Situations have ended sad,
Relationships have all been bad,
Mine’ve been like Verlaine’s and Rimbaud,
But there’s no way I can compare,
All those scenes to this affair,
You're gonna make me lonesome when you go.

You're gonna make me wonder what I’m doin’
Stayin’ far behind without you,
You're gonna make me wonder what I’m sayin’
You're gonna make me give myself a good talkin’ to.

I’ll look for you in old Honolulu,
San Francisco, Ashtabula.
You're gonna have to leave me now, I know
But I’ll see you in the sky above
In the tall grass, in the ones I love
You're gonna make me lonesome when you go.

New words for old desires..

If I compiled

All my crimes and my lies into amnesty,

Would you come back to me?

The smile on my lips

Is a sign that I don't hear you leaving me,

And I don't hear my own soul scream,

Don't blame yourself,

Don't change yourself,

Just want to be over you.

To Save you love.

Sometimes the hardest things & the right thing are the same...

I can't find a way to show..

What you mean to me..

Maybe tomorrow..

Machines.

Cause I’ve started falling apart I’m not savouring life
I’ve forgotten how good it could be to feel alive

Crazy as it sounds you wont feel as low as you feel right now
At least that’s what I've been told by everyone
I whisper empty sounds in your ear and hope that you won’t let go
Take the pieces and build them skywards..

I own your heart by rights now...

A thousand boxes yet to tick..

I have a drop-leaf window
With cats and broken yards
Sunflowers and paint cans
And stolen shopping carts

And nothing to be proud of
And nothing to regret
All of that to make as yet

I have a single heartbreak
I celebrate and mourn
A single shining sister
And all the tricks of dawn

A single yellow duvet
A single switch to flick
But a thousand boxes yet to tick
A thousand boxes yet to tick

Back to sleep..

And I'm just looking for the person

Who will smile at all my questions,

Who will tell me I'm just tired,

and then send me Back to sleep.

My eyes don't wanna look at you.

My mind, doesn't wanna deal with who you've become.. it's not good enough.

We're Pretty & Sick..

We're young and we're bored.

And at that moment, I swear..

We were just infinite.

I'll push to see how far i'll make you go.

Then pull you back when I am cravin more.

Fact.

1) Sometimes, i totally lose my faith in humanity.

2) The total honesty of children is something adults could really learn from.

3) I don't really know what type of girl i am.

4) When a person cries, if the first tear comes from the right eye, they are tears of happiness, if it's from the left, they are tears of pain.

5) I totally don't want to grow up.

6) I sit and think about the choices i have made in my life way too much, i lose myself in thoughts of where i might be now if i had made the other choice.

7) a crush only lasts 4 months, any longer and you were already in love.

8) You are only ever a version of yourself. Not your total self. Which is a sad thought.

9) I want to be the best at everything. i'm often not.

10) The voice of Optimus Prime is also the voice of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.

11)I'm scared to open my eyes if i shower with the bathroom door open, incase there is a serial killer standing there when i do

12) They should make a movie about us.

13) Annually, you will swallow 12 pubic hairs from fast food.

14) Women's hearts beat faster than mens.

15) I like to buy clothes in the men's section of shops.

16) I don't think i will ever lose the tomboy within me. But i kinda love that.

17) I think about New York City at least every other day.

18) If i had to choose a Male celebrity to date i'd choose Zach Braff. He seems to have a great mind.

19) I'd love to be friends with Ellen Page. Well, that or just be her.

20) I am in love with The Shins.

21) People always seem to get the vibe from me that i am shallow. That is a ridiculous thing to think about me.

22) Music is my world. I truly would be miserable without music in my life.

23) I probably read the lyrics to songs more than the average person. That's just a guess though.

24) If i could do any job i wanted for a living, i would be the person who chooses the soundtracks to films.

Life isn't always the party we'd hoped for. But dance anyway.

Happiness isn't always the best way to be happy.

Let me ask you something. How does it work around here? Are we all the same or are some of us better than others OR You like to play favourites, huh, king? "